THE INTERNET- Spam today announced that it has been 30 years since its first use, when it was first sent on the ARPANET on May 3rd, 1978. Since then, it has maintained a standard of excellence in annoyance of anyone who dares to set foot on the World Wide Web. Though not called spam until 15 years after that historic event, Spam was an insult and a nuisance even on its first day of life.

“LOSE 10 POUNDS IN 2 WEEKS!!! VIAGRA IN STOCK 40% OFF NOW!!! I’M 30 YEARS OLD TODAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! FREE ANTIVIRUS SCAN U ARE INFECTED!!!” Spam announced today, to thunderous dissent. Though the first use of spam was email, it has since spread to many other communication methods, such as instant messaging, blog comments, and even the telephone.

One humble spammer, who gave his name as Geoff Kennedy, was available for comment. “V|aggra 50mg x 60 pi1ls = $ 89.95,” he told Deep Thought. He then added, “Have liver problems; have kidney problems; have ever had blood cell problems such as sickle cell anemia, multiple myeloma, or leukemia,” a statement which had us somewhat puzzled. The man concluded by stating that, “Via-gra 1.41 per p!ll best 0n-line dr.ugstore in the internet,” and resumed his work. I then threw an empty soda cup at him.

Yes, of the many uses of the internet to have been realized so far, spam has remained one that can stand the test of time, much to the chagrin of everyone on the internet. Happy damn birthday, Spam; we don’t look forward to 30 more.