Since it's 5 am and I can't seem to go back to sleep (instead of still being up for a change), I thought I'd write something silly. These are the top ten problems with top ten lists, in no particular order.

1. Thinking of ten things to say

   With a top ten list, the biggest requirement is ten unique, relevant points on the topic. If you can't come up with ten points, you could sit around for hours trying to think of something else to add until the topic's freshness has expired. And if you absolutely can't think of ten points, you'll look like an idiot posting "Top 7 reasons anteaters are cool" because these lists have to be in multiples of five or ten: top 5, top 20, top 740, etc. (No comment on why you're writing about anteaters in the first place...)

2. Expanding on your points

   A good top ten lists gives reasons why something's in the top ten. That means you have to have a reason for every single point you wracked your brain to come up with about why anteaters are cool. If you're barely squeaking by with eight points and are throwing two more bullshit reasons in just to make ten, you're going to have a very hard time explaining those last two reasons.

3. It's a fad writing style

   Top ten lists may have been around for many years, but that doesn't mean they're not a fad. One writes a top ten list when one is tapped out for inspiration on another topic, or can't come up with a good, large essay with just a few points. Top ten lists are also a staple of comedy shows such as the Late Show, completely depriving them of all relevance to real life.

4. They're completely useless

   Yes, I said it. Top ten lists are useless. Why? Well, because instead of getting REAL work done, you're writing ten things you love about anteaters. I mean, come on, anteaters are cool and all, but don't you have a document specification to draft? You should be hammering that out instead of wasting time on anteaters.

5. Order is important

   Like it or not (and disclaimer or not), order is important in your top ten list. Saying your list is in "no particular order" is a crock of bat guano. If you put your most important point next to your least important point, followed by your next most important point, etc., you've just destroyed your credibility in writing a top ten list. If it's really the top ten, you need to have #1 really be #1. And you should say why, but I've covered that already.

6. Annoying page flow

   Top ten lists aren't an easy read. By their very nature, they're divided into several tiny sections that the eye must parse separately. You can't just "read" a top ten list, you have to read each list topic, then the reasoning behind each topic, one by one, which leads to aggravation and eye strain.

7. Repeating is cheating

   Sometimes, people really can't think of ten things to say about anteaters, so they'll re-word one of their previous points and reuse it. This is a big no-no because it's a cop-out to actually doing the job properly and coming up with ten things to say. If you really can't come up with ten things to say about anteaters without reusing one of them, you should do something more productive.

8. You're setting yourself up for a top-ten response

   One of the popular things to do around the Intarweb, and especially in the greater blogosphere, is to reply to a top ten list with another top ten list. When you push that submit button, you're setting yourself up for some other jackass to write "Top ten reasons anteaters suck" and link back to your list. When this happens, they will inevitably get a lot more hits than you could ever dream of, making you look like a complete fool. And a fool you will be, because you're writing a top ten list. I think I've already explained this, haven't I?

9. Thinking of ten things to say, partie deux

   Sometimes... you just can't think of ten things.