A History of Black Coffee (Via

Posted courtesy of the private blog of Jay Grider, features editor. Please note that this is an article of fiction. Original article can be found At this location

Commonly my 8am class will get out early, which leaves me with nothing to do until nine. This down time commonly leads to me meandering my way into the nearby Einstein Bros Bagels and getting a cup of black.

Let me be honest with everyone here. I drink my coffee black, not because I am lazy, but because I find a simple elegance in black coffee that cannot be found when you drowned something in whip cream and caramel syrup. Black coffee is something I feel has lost its appeal over the age of sugar sucking idiots that comprise my generation. There is a confusion amongst humans as to what being a connoisseur of coffee is.

Most people consider coffee to be graded upon the quality it was prepared, the quality of the extra things added to it, and the quality of the milk that they drown it with. Not to discredit this theory, but where is the actual quality of the bean involved in this process. Indeed the bean is forgotten.

Black coffee was a staple of the life of a man up until the mid 80′s. Along with the decline of the diner, the most common place that coffee was propagated to the public, black coffee also declined. The decline of the diner can be traced to the great…

In Light of the Lyrics App Debacle


Apple initially rejected Jelle Prins’ iPhone app Lyrics, which displays lyrics for the songs in your music library, including the profanity contained in some song lyrics. Apple cited that fact as the reason for turning Prins down.

Oh Apple, look what I found:

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Perhaps maybe you should make them censor it?

Ooh, and there’s this other app that allows unfiltered access to the internet, including objectionable content which you seem not to like allowing. I think it’s called… um.... Safari, that’s it! Wait a minute....

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Yeah, make the developers of that conduit of smut pay for their sins against our children.

Speaking of children, won’t somebody think of them?

Classy Gradient Wallpapers Using Only MS Paint

If you just want a classy, simple wallpaper, but only have access to MS Paint (this is most useful in an office,) there exists a way to create simple gradients using an image as small as nine pixels square.

  1. Use the Attributes dialog to specify a very small image. Depending on the amount of colors you want to use for the gradient, you may want to add more or less, but keep the image square.
  2. The pencil tool can be used to color individual pixels and fill the image. Play around with the shape and tones of the intended gradient.
  3. Save the file as a .jpg.
  4. Set it as your wallpaper, in stretch mode. Windows will scale the image as if it were a photograph, and smoothly blend the image.

et viola!

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To download the sample image, “Right Click, Save As” this text.

Oh Great Thanks A Big Bundle Microsoft Marketing Department

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No, really, thanks. Not only now do I have to deal with your stupid ad campaign getting plastered all over the internet, getting talked about by anyone and everyone with an opinion and just a smidge of an audience (oh, and the actual campaign you’re running, too) now I’ll have to see more of the opposite but equal counterpart: “Hey Guys I’m a Mac I’m supposed to be cool but instead I’m Justin Long isn’t that weird?” Yes, that’s right, the Apple marketing department is likely right now--at this very moment--working on their witty rebuttal. So not only do I have to sit through more parts of their ads that don’t involve John Hodgman, I have to sit through more Daily Show episodes that do not feature him as a correspondent. And on top of that, whiny internet nerds who are not me.

No, seriously, great job.

OK, This is Just Excessive, Guys

Seriously, two times now? Come on, did you people really think Valve wouldn’t notice you running around with items that should take months to acquire on release day?

Part of me thinks the penalties should be getting more severe, not less.

Ok that’s enough GENERIC INTERNET RAGE for now.

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